What is your message to someone who is thinking about suicide?
I know that it’s hard to stay alive right now. Everything feels really, really hard to do. I’m proud of you for existing right now, in this moment. You are breathing, you are alive – that is enough. Healing will take time, and it can happen. Please reach out for help. There are professionals on campus who are here for you and who will hold space for you.
What would you tell someone who is feeling unsure about seeking support?
I know things are hard right now. It can be difficult to find comfort or guidance when everything is hurting this much, but I can tell you that there’s help available. I know reaching out is tough, but in my experience, it’s been worth it. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much to talk to my friends about my personal thoughts, so I’ve started seeing a therapist. It’s nice to have someone to listen and give a professional opinion, kind of like a common-sense filter in a form of someone who’s there to hold space for your pain. Reaching out for support is courageous and strong, and when you have someone who can listen, your pain can ease a little more.
Why did you want to become a Care Champion?
Suicide prevention matters to me because I know what it’s like to struggle with suicide and I want to make sure that others who are struggling know they are not alone and that healing can happen.
I went through a really difficult time when I was a teenager and couldn’t see the point of living anymore because I had no vision of a life without pain. On my hardest day, a woman who I didn’t even know took the time to show me that she cared. Her moment of kindness made more of a difference than she’ll ever know and made me feel like I was seen and understood. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know if I would be here today.
Since starting University, I have accessed therapy for the first time and I finally feel like I can breathe. If you are struggling or thinking about suicide, please reach out. The resources we have on campus can truly make a difference. You deserve to know that someone cares.
How do you cope when things get tough?
My favourite coping strategy is either journaling or going for a run. Running helps my mental health because it feels like I’m running away from my problems, they don’t exist – I can only focus on the ground and my feet consistently hitting the pavement. If I feel too tired to run, I like to journal. I know it sounds super corny, but I try to word vomit on the page just to get all my thoughts out of my brain. There’s no judgment of my thoughts, just giving them a space to exist on the lines of my journal. It’s nice since it’s a good flow-of-consciousness type of writing. I don’t like having a structure to my writing, so some days it’ll be a to-do list, and other days it’ll be a page of angry scribbles.
What gives you hope?
I used to think the worst of every scenario, but now – I live in hope of a better future. What if things do work out? What if I can save up for a car? What if I can achieve financial stability? What if I can dream of a home to return to every day? Having no control over my life as a teenager, I try to be hopeful in thinking of the things that I have done in the past.
I used to put myself on a pedestal of martyrdom to justify my suffering, thinking that I was better than others because I’ve lived through hard times. Now, I don’t think it was justified – what I went through just happened. There’s no larger reason why I had to go through it to learn some lesson. Trauma is just trauma.
When those days roll by and I don’t want to do anything, or be productive, I just let them happen. I’ve curated the voice I have inside my head to be a kind voice, so that I talk to myself in a gentle manner. I’m going to be in my head for the rest of my life, I might as well make it comfy. If I’m not feeling well, I will talk to myself like, “it’s ok, honey, just take the day on a slower pace.” and “don’t rush for today”. Self-compassion really helps me get through tough times.
Fei Qin (they/them)
Student Supervisor of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion, Lancer Recreation
4th year student, Communications, Media and Film, minor in Political Science