What is your message to someone who is thinking about suicide?
You are valuable. Your experiences and perspectives are important.
You are worthy of love. You are loveable.
You are powerful. Your life holds the power to influence others in ways you can’t even imagine yet, and may not even realize.
You are resilient. Despite everything that you’re feeling, and everything that you’ve been through, you’ve continued to survive. That shows an incredible amount of strength.
You are valid. Your experiences are valid. Every one of your emotions – no matter how conflicting some may be – are valid.
Shame keeps us stuck and we are taught to hide how we are feeling – but you don’t have to hide your pain. It exists within you and is a part of who you are, but it is not all of who you are. Your pain and your experiences give you something that not everyone has – the ability to relate to others in a way that people who’ve never felt that pain could understand. If you can get through today, you have the ability to get through tomorrow too. Just one day – one moment – at a time. You make an important difference in this world just by being here.
What would you tell someone who is feeling unsure about seeking support?
Seeking help is one of the hardest things that a person can do. It takes tremendous courage to be vulnerable and reach out, especially if that help hasn’t always been given in the past when you needed it most. Your courage does not go unnoticed.
I used to feel that seeking support was selfish – that I could “do it on my own.” What I learned was that not only does everyone need help sometimes, but that asking for support showed people I trusted them enough to confide in them or ask for their help. Seeking support helped me to develop relationships. Beginning with people whose profession it was to provide support allowed me to practice trusting people, so that eventually I could be more vulnerable with the people closest to me. Seeking support is the first step towards changing circumstances that aren’t working for you anymore.
Not everyone will be able to give you the support that you deserve – but every time you seek support, you increase the chances of finding it. Sometimes, the best support comes from the least likely of places, but it’s up to you to keep asking.
Why did you want to become a Care Champion?
Suicide prevention matters to me because I’ve been there. I believed for a long time that it was the only option I had left. I didn’t know how to ask for help and didn’t trust that I’d receive it if I asked. In my work, I’d seen the ripple effects of suicide on families – mothers and fathers, children, siblings – and still it felt like my only choice.
Today, I am extremely grateful for my life, and I can truly say that I am happy and fulfilled with where I am at. It took a long time, a lot of work, and a lot of help, but I truly believe that people can overcome anything and thrive if given the right opportunities. The stigma we feel that silences us when we’re struggling is the antithesis to care, and so I share my experiences only to say that if you are feeling this way, you are not alone in your experience of living with thoughts of suicide and that with the right support, you can find your way through this pain. I know first-hand that it is possible.
Your life matters. I know that there are people – in the world and on this campus – who truly, deeply care. If you are thinking about suicide, it is my hope that you will reach out first and ask for help, even if you don’t see in the moment how it might change anything. Reaching out for support lets others know that you are struggling so that you don’t have to figure it out on your own, and together with people who care, you can find a way through this that works for you.
How do you cope when things get tough?
My favourite coping strategy is going for a walk or bike ride within the city. While it can sometimes be difficult to find the motivation to be physically active, doing these activities in areas of the city where I will pass other people has the added benefit of getting me out of my head and feeling connected to others – passively observing glimpses of their lives and remembering that every single one of them has their own life experiences, challenges, and contributions to the world, just like me. Sometimes I will sit by the riverfront and observe people walking past for the same reason.
Another coping strategy that I find really helpful if I’m at home alone is to listen to a guided meditation. It can be long or as short as 5 minutes, but by focusing on another person’s voice and allowing them to guide my thoughts and breathe can help me to pause long enough to let strong emotions pass. Choosing guided meditations that correspond to the emotion or situation I’m experiencing can improve the experience as well. For a collection of free self-compassion meditations, visit the Centre for Mindful Self-Compassion website. On a mobile device, there are many great meditation apps, but my favourite is called Insight Timer, and is free to access on both the Google Play store and the Apple Store.
We know that trauma lives in the body, and so once an emotion becomes too strong to be ‘contained’ within my head, I often find that a physical release of energy is needed. If the weather permits, standing barefoot in the grass, or sitting in the grass with my hands on the ground, and pushing the soles of my feet or the palms of my hands into the ground as hard as I can is one way that I release strong emotions that have built up inside. While pushing, I imagine that all of my stress and emotion is flowing through my body and into the ground. This practice can also be done on an inside floor, or pressing against a wall, though I still find it helpful to mentally imagine the energy flowing through the floor and into the earth beneath it.
What gives you hope?
What gives me hope today is thinking about the work I’ve done in my life to overcome trauma and difficult situations in the past, knowing that I survived before, and I can do it again. I think about the people who have impacted my life along the way and supported me when I needed it most – teachers, coaches, counselors, mentors, and even strangers – most of whom I may never see again, but all of whom stuck with me over time. It’s their strength that I draw on when things get tough until I can find the strength in myself.
Sometimes, the future can be hard to imagine, especially when I’ve been struggling the most. Yet often it is the present and the past that leave me feeling hopeless. I have found hope when, with the support of others, I could imagine a future where I was empowered to live the way I wanted to, regardless of how I was going to get there. Imagining the people I haven’t met yet, the goals I wanted to accomplish, the strengths I could share, and the possibilities I hadn’t dared dream to be possible have helped me to find hope in self-directed future. It helped me to imagine a future that didn’t hurt so much – until one day, that future manifested itself.
Mack Park (they/them)
Coordinator, Lancers Recover
Graduate Student, Masters of Social Work